Captain Fit -Interview for Boom! Magazine
If you haven’t heard of Captain Fit, you either grew up on Colony A-38p when the comms were down for 20 cycles, or you’ve had your head in the sand.
Disrupting both the fitness and the space-flight spaces, someone you know has been trained by, shouted at, or flown alongside him. What we thought we knew about banking under 7G of force, or feinting a combatant with meters to spare, has been turned on its head.
With the selection for the Uchore expedition coming up and many of his former students competing, we caught up with him on a well-deserved break on the vacation liner of his close friend, Princess Reeree.
Captain Fit, it’s an honor. I’ve been an admirer for a long time.
Hey, you know, that’s awesome. I feel like a lot of what I do is kinda channeled into my students, and so I win when they do (and they DO win), so it’s great to hear that people recognise my work. You know, I think I do something really unique, and I want that to get out there. But… I’m only as good as my students are.
Are you kidding me? You’re a total legend. Humanity would be aeons behind on space travel if it weren’t for you.
Ok ok. I admit that when I left the academy, I thought “Wow, is this all there is? Just a bunch of people setting a destination and pushing the autopilot button?”. I couldn’t believe it. Where’s the drive to be better? To push the limits of what we humans can do, and be able to play with the big boys — the Al’Ong, the Tiaval? We were chicken shit compared to them, and we needed to get our shit together. I just played my part.
Well, speaking of humanity, I guess you didn’t even know about our non-human neighbors when you were a kid, right?
Wha.. wait.. what do you mean?
You know, when you lived in the 21st century, before you were frozen?
Ah, hahahaha. I see you’ve done your research.
Yeah! Of course. Like I said, I’m a huge fan.
Yeah, yeah. Don’t catch me out like that bud! I come along here, wanting to talk about the expedition and my achievements, and then you throw a curveball at me like that, talking about ancient history and shit! You gotta give me a heads-up, or talk it through with my agent, shit like that.
Of course, I apologise. Shall we move on?
No, no, hang on. Actually yeah… let’s do this. Why not, right? (laughs). I want you to know the REAL Captain Fit, and you know, maybe knowing that I’m not of this time will make you appreciate me even more!
So yeah. I wasn’t born in a time of space travel and aliens n shit. I was living in LA in the 21st century, pretty much crushing it as an actor, partying with all the beautiful people, you know how it is..
I don’t actually, but go on. Also, for our readers, what’s an “actor”?
Someone who would play someone else in a movie, errr, this, like, entertainment thing you’d watch. Imagine HyperReality but kinda shitty, and 2D, and on a screen, not in your head.
Like, people would dress up in costumes and jump off buildings and everything?
Hahahaa that’s it! I totally crushed it. While it was still a thing.
Of course! And so how did you end up here? I mean, now?
I got frozen, man! I just checked in for a, er, routine, umm, medical treatment, and something went wrong, like with the billing or something, and I didn’t get unfrozen until Earth was being picked clean, like, 6 centuries later. Pretty wild, huh?
Yeah, but maybe that was like a re-birth for you? Like, you were always meant to be here, now?
I think so. Whatever shit happened to me back then, it sent me here, where I need to be. But it blew my mind when I first woke up! I mean, c’mon, I literally woke up in a spaceship, with a robot staring at me. I screamed and jumped up, butt naked, and ran around the ship, until I found a window, and saw the stars and all that. Man, that was a trip. They sedated me and had to do that a few times until I realized they were trying to help me, not kill me.
Wild. So how did you find your feet in this new era? The first the public heard of Captain Fit you were becoming a legendary personal trainer to the elite.
Yeah I didn’t want to hang around and be some freak show with all the people going “Look, it’s that caveman dude!”, so I joined the flight academy as a regular noob, just like anyone else, and gave that a shot.
But it didn’t stick?
Naw, it was unbelievably boring! Can you imagine: You wake up after hundreds of years in a tank, think you’re in the space-age future, Earth is a pile of dust, and all these guys want to drone on about is rules and hierarchy and shit like that? I didn’t want to spend 10 years, I mean cycles, ticking boxes and bowing to some lame-ass guy in a suit. I was outta there! I jumped aboard a liner and got myself work in what I knew best — getting the best out of people. Kick-ass fitness first, then kick-ass flying. Fit to fly baby!
Which brings us onto this epic trip to the outer edge of the universe. Will you be up for selection yourself?
Hell, no! I know what kind of a flyer I am, and what kind of a fighter. I’m going to leave the fun and games to the people, aliens, whatever, who have something to prove! This is their time to shine. And besides, I’m needed here, not at the edge of the universe!
Do you have many students in the upcoming battles?
Many? I’m not sure any of the competitors aren’t my students! I’m proud of each and every one of them, but it’s all on them. If they haven’t put in the time and the effort, they only have themselves to blame. I’ve done everything I can.
Surely their ships also have some part in the outcome?
Don’t you go blaming the tools! Should you go tricking out your ride with fancy stripes and lightweight armor and shit if you haven’t done your pilot training, or your fitness training? You think it’s better to change your color scheme than to put in the work and do your lifts and your pull-ups? Oxygen to the brain and the muscles — that’s what makes for sharp reflexes and quick thinking. And don’t forget your leafy greens. Don’t go getting anemic on me!
That’s the Captain Fit we know! The holistic approach to combat.
You better know it. Train your body, get your mind sharp, keep your energy high, and you know you’re going to be in the best shape for space. I wasn’t even born in this century, but my mind/body approach that I live by, got me kicking the asses of the soft space kids who think it’s all about pushing buttons and letting the machines take over. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Well, I think it’s amazing we are learning so much from you. Kind of like a window to the past.
Don’t you give the past too much credit! We had hard-working kids and lazy kids back then just like we do now. Nah, this is just about getting a positive mental attitude, and getting yourself fit for space. If the astronauts we had back in the day could see where we are now, man, they’d be trippin’. I never even dreamed of being an astronaut when I was a kid, and now everyone is!
What do you think of this Uchore expedition being sponsored by Aquila?
Aquila is a great guy. Yeah, I know what they say, that he’s kind of got his head up his ass. And he’d be the first to admit it! He’s a successful guy because he worked that ass off his whole life. And yeah, ok, the Wizards do kinda have the edge on us lowly humans because of their perfect genes and all, and he probably uses, like, all of his perfect brain all of the time, but I think he’s genuinely trying to make the galaxy a better place. He’s revolutionized personal auto-pilot modules (not my thing, really, but hey), invented dark-matter-fiber comms, and generously, like, spread his perfect genes to as many sexually-compatible females as he has time for, so I think he’s earned the right to hold a vanity tournament in his name.
Do you know him?
Yeah, we’ve partied a few times, and I’ve trained him and his crew. Honestly, he didn’t need me. I think he just wanted to see what I’m about and what I’m teaching my humans. So you can bet he has skin in this game.
More than flying an elite crew out to Uchore, you mean?
I’m not saying anything! I know the journey to Uchore is gonna be like nothing anyone has done before, so he does need the best pilot for that, and this is a great way of finding his team. No-one knows what they’re going to find there, even if they make it. It’s just kinda weird that we know, or we think we know, so much about this planet even though it’s on the edge of the universe, right? But hey, I’m no scientist! I just get the asses in those ships as tight as they can be, ready for whatever they’re gonna face.
Don’t you believe there is a planet Uchore?
It doesn’t matter what I believe. They find Uchore, they tear it to pieces and bring back every molecule of it in freighters; they don’t. They find something else insane and wacky and bring that back instead. They find the meaning of the universe! Or… they die trying. It’s an awesome adventure and I want my guys to come back and tell me all about it.
We’re all incredibly excited for the trip to the edge of everything. Do you have any favorites who will make it out there?
Hahahaaa you’re trying to catch me out again, man! Not falling for it. Nah, they all have potential. You never know what hand fate is going to play you on the day. I’d say to all my guys; don’t forget your training in the heat of the moment. Keep focused, keep your eye on the goal, and don’t hold back, even for a second.
Thank you Captain Fit. It’s been a pleasure.
Likewise, bud! I’m hitting the gym. You coming?
